Baby Showers Take 2 & 3!

I was very fortunate and loved enough to have 3 showers for this baby of mine! The first you have already read about and the second was one thrown by the girls (and boy) at work! Everyone was so sweet.. but I only have a couple pictures.

My baby tub and goodies!

And this was my favorite. A client gave me this box filled with chocolate nuggets...haha get it? And a little baby rockstar onesie and tutu with a matching shirt for me. We were joking about all the funny and inappropriate things people could put their babies in, but she decided to give me something tame. (Although she did tell me she looked everywhere for baby size leather chaps hahaha.) I love it!

My 3rd shower was a family shower! The Roos' and Grows came together and we had a fabulous time.

I am overly obsessed with this little nautical outfit.

A quilt! A real live quilt! If you can't tell, Im very excited about this. Rebekah made it and she's super talented and I feel super lucky to have gotten one of her creations!
I need to take more pictures of the other handmade goods I have been given, because really, it's amazing. These women's talent and skills are off the charts and I am glad I (ok, the nugget) is benefitting from it!

Thank you again to everyone who came/hosted/gifted at my showers! We feel very fortunate to have you all in our life!

Baby Shower Take 1!

Well..that was fun. Apparently I'm really good at finishing what I start. :) Me thinks starting a challenge mid-pregnancy wasn't the best idea. Maybe one day I will finish those topics..but for now I will just blog about life. Lets see here.. I'm pregnant. Oh you didnt know? I've only got about 3 more weeks left.. and I might pee my pants. Not because I've lost control of the bladder, just because I feel completely unprepared and still in total denial. I think a wakeup call is coming my way. I did have a fabulous baby shower though with friends and family and our nugget got seriously spoiled! Here I am! My friend Shiloh and her sister made the cutest cake ever.. And a few of my talented girlfriends made this adorable diaper cake that I refuse to take apart yet! Jackson was a ham that day apparently... and Andee's twins were loved by all.

When I got home and unpacked and laid it all out...my nursery had turned into a mini Babies-R-Us! We got so spoiled and I am so grateful!

This was all the handmade items we were given.. we are lucky to know so many talented women! A big thank you to Becca and Shiloh for hosting! It was such a great day...until afterwards..haha.

Thank you so much to everyone who came! And thank you for taking care of us and the nugget! We sure love you all! And thanks to Erica for taking pictures for me so the day could be properly remembered!

Blog Challenge: Day 19+

Life is busy these days. Good thing I like it. Let's continue with my blog challenge!

Topic: Disrespecting Your Parents

Ok. Some might say I'm not the ideal candidate to talk about disrespecting your parents. I suppose I went way against the cause when I completely disrepected their wishes and married someone they were 100% against. Here's the thing. I don't think of it that way. I was an adult and made my own decision and I'm quite happy with it.

I did however follow the basic concepts of respecting your parents. I never talked back. If they gave me a curfew or a house rule, I followed it. I had manners and showed appreciation for the things they did for me, even if it was just thanking them for buying my dinner when we went out. I would never speak to my parents the way I hear teens talk to their parents these days. I've never called them names. I still won't even swear in front of them (much..haha), let alone directed towards them. I won't disrepect the things they believe in, even if I believe differently.

I guess that's just being..polite? I just hate the way some people talk to their parents (or adults in general). I also hate the entitled attitude a lot of kids have towards their parents. My parents birthed me and raised me..they don't really owe me anything after that. I would never expect a car or a phone just because I was their kid. I worked for those things myself and I'm grateful I was taught the value of working for what you've got. I appreciate the things my parents have done for me.

Having respect for them as people.. that's a different game. You can be very polite and treat your parents with respect without actually respecting them. That part, I'm working on. :)

Blog Challenge: Day 18

I took a little break from blogging if you hadn't noticed. There have been lots of projects going on at my house this week so I was much more focused on those. On the plus side, those projects give me lots of things to blog about soon! Get excited.

I'm determined to finish my topic challenge though, so my next topic is: My Beliefs. It doesn't clarify what kind of beliefs, so I will tell you my basic life beliefs. :)

1. Life is meant to be enjoyed.
2. If french fries are wrong, I dont want to be right.
3. Having good girlfriends makes a woman's quality of life better.
4. Family is what you make, not always what you're given.
5. Laughter is the cure to pretty much everything.
6. Babies cheeks are meant to be eaten. Or at least kissed profusely.
7. Money isn't everything.
8. Snow should last only through December.
9. Exercise is critical for mental health.
10. Everyone should be married to their best friend.
11. Sunshine and warmth is good for the soul.
12. If you're going to do something, do it right.
13. Having bad manners tells me you have a crappy character.
14. Women can do anything men can do, and sometimes, do it better.
15. If you're not willing to do the work for something, you're not entitled to complain that you dont have it.

I think that's a good start. I think that's a healthy manifesto to run my life by. Until next time my friends.

Blog Challenge: Day 17

Well hello friends! I'm glad you are reading..even if you're not commenting. I will keep on keeping on!

Today's challenge topic: My Highs and Lows of the Past Year
(I will try and remember the year chronologically haha)

Highs:

• Feb: We bought our first house!!
• April: Enjoyed an awesome vacation with my hubby to Arizona
• April: Got to watch my beautiful nugget niece McKenzie be born into the world
• July: Ran a 10k..which is something I always wanted to do but never thought I would
• August: Found out I was pregnant!
• November: Went on a bucket list vacation along the California coast
• All Year: First year of my life I have felt pretty much completely satisfied. I felt like things were moving in the direction I wanted them too, whether it was settling into a home, getting my weight and health on track, loving my job, enjoying a great relationship with my hubs or building our family together

Lows:

• Struggling with my parents not being a real part of my life.. this is forever ongoing I'm afraid
• Struggling with being in a parenting role that I have no control over the outcome or decisions made...also forever ongoing
• In June my Aunt died after a long battle with breast cancer
• Had a corneal ulcer..that was the most miserable 3 days of my life.
• Lilith Fair got cancelled at last minute...total heartbreak.

All in all, 2010 was a pretty great year. I can't complain seeing as I had to search through old Facebook posts to figure out my lows for the year. :)

Here's hoping 2011 is even better!

Blog Challenge: Day 16ish

I haven't been blogging everyday, but since no one is really reading, no one is noticing! So I'm going to go ahead and state that I may or may not blog everyday, but I will get through this topic challenge!


Today's topic is supposed to be my thoughts on mainstream music. But why the heck would I write about that? I like music, whether is mainstream, indie or other. If it's good, it's good and I support it. That's all.


So how about we talk about this whole pregnancy thing for a minute? I am now 29 weeks preggo. It's crazy to think that in about 11 weeks I will be a mom!! Weird. Luckily, it's been a really easy 7 months for me. I haven't been sick at all, I have no real discomfort, I don't even have cravings or food aversions. The only things I can't get away from is my growing body and the unrelenting exhaustion. I'm tired all the time. Working has been pretty easy. I don't get sore or tired while working, but as soon as I'm done with a long day, that's it. I need to put my feet up pronto and take a nap sometimes.


The nugget has been moving a lot lately and I can finally feel her all over the place. For a long time I only felt kicks WAY down low. Today when I was at the doctor she was moving all over the place while my midwife was trying to listen to her heartbeat. My midwife was like "Is it ALWAYS like this?" But no, it's not. Really that just happens when I lay back for some reason.


We haven't started on the nursery yet. We have been finishing the room in the basement for Jasmine. On Monday the carpet is getting installed and then it's on for the nursery! I can't wait to get all the stuff I have crammed in the office organized. It's driving me crazy.


Let's see..whats else might anyone care about? How about a little picture? We had to get two ultrasounds for safety's sake and when we went back for our follow up the tech put it in 4D mode for us on her face. It was totally unexpected but we saw right away that our nugget has Daniel's nose! We always joked that that was the one thing we could go for him not passing on but it looks like it's all hers! Oh, and the big lips are a given. :) Here's our little girl nugget at 20 weeks!

Blog Challenge: Days 14 and 15

Hello! I obviously have been AWOL all weekend. I just had a really long, busy, tiring weekend and didn't spend much time at the computer. Rest and sleep trumped blog.

But I'm back! I will write about days 14/15 today.

First: My First Memory

I don't really know. I have lots of memories from when I was a kid but none from when I was REALLY young. I remember most things in groups and can't discern age of when they individually happened. For example, one of my best memories is spending lots and lots of time at the beach growing up. We lived in Southern California, and my mom didn't work so we went to the beach a lot. I have very specific memories of different beaches, showering the sand off before we left, having competitions with my brothers who could pull the biggest hunk of seaweed on shore and so on. That's why I crave the beach so much as an adult.

I also remember spending a lot of time at the park. My Grandpa was very physically active and would go to the park every morning to run or walk laps. This particular park had stations along the outer path that you could stop and do exercises at, with pictures of the exercises at the station. I would run along with him and try my hardest to do the exercises but never could quite do it right.

We lived with my grandparents and every morning they would pick a grapefruit from the tree in our backyard, split it and each have half with a little sugar and a bowl of cereal. I loved it when they let me go out and pick the "best" one for them.

I remember being hit by a car when I was 6. That's the only memory I specifically remember my age. I was on my bike, trying to follow my older brother and his friend on their bikes. They crossed a busy street we were not allowed to be near, and instead of stopping, I tried to follow. I heard a loud screech and turned my head in time to see a car coming right at me, braking so hard I saw sparks come out the sides of the tires. It didn't hit me very hard, but hard enough to mangle my brand new bike and send my arm through the spokes and face into the pavement. I have no idea how I didn't break anything. The nice stranger who hit me carried me home (my house was 2 streets over) and I remember my mom opening the door with a horrified look on her face. I was later so scared of getting an xray they paid me 10 cents to lie still enough for it. Haha. Dimes are in high demand when you're 6.

I remember my mom coming into my room every night and singing a song to me and tickling my tummy before falling asleep. My mom was good to her babies. I miss that mom.

Oh and Patrick Swayze bought a house for his mom at the top of my street. I loved him when I was little so when I heard this I wrote him a love letter and hand delivered it to his mom. She told me I was the cutest thing ever and that she would get me an autographed picture for me, but I never went back. I was upset that Patrick wasn't there. He was probably off Dirty Dancing somewhere.

Is it weird that I don't remember specific things from when I was very young? I think it's a little bit sad...

On to our next topic. The original idea was to list my favorite Tumblrs, but I have no idea what that is, so I'm gonna go ahead and change that. I saw something Emily did the other day on her blog that I will just steal. :)

I am...woman, hear me roar.
I want...to have a healthy pregnancy resulting in healthy baby.
I have...a wonderful life.
I wish...I was lying on the beach.
I hate...bad manners.
I fear...being a bad mom.
I search...ksl classifieds for a dresser everyday..haha.
I wonder...if the nugget will look anything like me. Judging the ultrasound..not so much.
I regret...not being more upfront with my parents.
I love...my husband. And french fries. And chocolate.
I ache...a lot in my feet and a little in my heart.
I always...drink ice water.
I usually...leave my house way later than i should to get to work when I should.
I am not...skinny. i got the wrong genes for that one. thanks Dad.
I dance...in my living room with my husband..and sometimes for clients.
I sing...all the damn time.
I never...do the dishes. I have the best husband ever.
I sometimes...get really mad about things I cant change.
I cry...a lot. Its really annoying.
I am not always...good at faking it. Moods I mean.
I lose...patience quickly.
I am confused...by how my Mom can be so.. just so.
I need...a big deep jetted tub.
I should...start letting go.

Blog Challenge: Day 13

Today sucks. It was going so well to begin with. It's my day off so I slept in (I've been sooo tired lately) and lounged around for awhile before cleaning up a bit. I thought I heard my doorbell ring but I wasn't sure and I never really answer the door when I'm home alone anyways, so I ignored it. About 15 minutes later I went upstairs to discover some old man walking around my front yard with a long pole in his hand. I had no idea what was going on. I got myself dressed and went outside to find my neighbors out there just about to leave.

Apparently all the sprinklers along the front sidewalk were pouring water out of them, flooding the grass and street. My nice little neighbor was searching for my water shutoff but couldn't find it. They left and i panicked, unsure of what to do. I ran downstairs to the main shutoff, turned it off and ran back upstairs but the water was still running. I called Daniel about 10 times and couldn't get through. I had no idea where else to look for another shut off so I wandered the house and yard. Finally I got Daniel on the phone and he told me it was in the garden in some random hole and I had to get our long metal T-shaped tool thingy to turn it off. I stuck it down in there and turned it, hoping for the best. It's about 5 feet down in the ground so I had no idea if I was doing it right and all of a sudden I hear spraying water, so I freaked out thinking I had now made it worse. But relief! I checked the front and the water had stopped. Crisis averted.


Then I got to spend some time at the Drivers License Division, go to Home Depot to get some money back they overcharged me on carpet and check out the local Rec center since we cancelled our Gold's membership (which I'm very sad about).


On to home where I promptly drop my phone on the kitchen tile, which apparently cracked my touch screen. Now the phone works, but the screen doesn't. Since its a touch screen, i can't do anything. I see these texts and calls come in but I cant even look at them because it doesn't register my touch. Lame.



Are you still with me?



Good. now's the perfect time to daydream about today's topic: Somewhere I'd like to move or visit.


Anyone who knows me, knows I'm a beach girl. Give me the ocean and I will love you forever. My dream is to live in a little beach town, where my sole purpose in life is to walk the beaches and bask in the glory of the sunshine. However, I married someone with a couple of things that keeps him permanently in Utah. I do love this state, because it's gorgeous and there is lots for me to enjoy in the summer. But... it doesn't have the ocean.


So, I told Daniel he has to take me to a beach every year to make up for not moving me to one. He hasn't made that happen every year, but close. I would LOVE to visit Hawaii one day, but for now it's way too out of my price range. I would love to see Fiji and Tahiti and any remote island with white sand and bright blue water. Ahhh... bliss.

Other than beaches though, my dream is to visit multiple places in Europe, mainly France and Italy. I have a mild obsession in my head with visiting Paris. Pretty much every part of Italy calls to me too. Rome, Venice, Milan, Capri..all of it. Oh and pretty much all the Greek islands need to be seen too. I think I should have been born a European. I would much rather work to live and enjoy the slow life than live to work and watch life tick by without me.


Ok I think that's enough. Those are my top places I would love to see, although really seeing the whole world wouldn't be so bad. A girl can dream, right?

Blog Challenge: Day 12

Today I'm supposed to bullet list my whole day. Too bad this has been the lamest day ever.

• My alarm clock went off until 9:30.
• I snoozed until 10:30.
• I finally got out of bed at 11.
• I ate a bowl of cheerios.
• I showered and got myself ready.
• I drove to work.
• I did lots of hair.
• I got off late at 8:30.
• I looked at Facebook on my phone before driving home and got really mad for a minute.
• I got home and changed into my warm pajamas.
• I ate lasagna and garlic bread that my husband had waiting for me.
• I ate a bowl of Rocky Road ice cream
• I watched Bill Maher on tv while surfing the internet.
• I started watching 'Groundhog Day' while blogging.

The End.

Blog Challenge: Day 11

Today I am to put my Ipod on shuffle and list the first 10 songs:

Good, a mindless one, since my brain is fried today.

1. She's Got a Way- Billy Joel
2. I'll Follow You Into the Dark- Deathcab for Cutie
3. To Make You Feel My Love- Adele
4. Sittin' On the Dock of the Bay- Otis Redding
5. What I Got- Sublime
6 .Two Pina Coladas- Garth Brooks
7. I'm Not Calling You a Liar- Florence and the Machine
8. Manhattan- Kings of Leon
9. Airplanes- B.O.B. and Hayley Williams
10. Lightening Storm- Flogging Molly

I'm actually quite impressed with my shuffle tonight. That's a pretty good example of my wide range of music. I listen to a little of everything. I'm surprised there wasn't any Led Zeppelin or Counting Crows in that mix though...

Blog Challenge: Day 10

Today I am feeling very...pregnant. Just thought you might like to know. On with the show.

Today's topic: Discuss My First Love and First Kiss

This is so tender. :) I'm pretty sure my first and true love was french fries. I think I came out of the womb asking for them and haven't looked back since.

Oh..not that kind of love?

Ok. My first love was named Devin. He is my mom's best friend's son. We are the same age and were raised together since birth, with our moms telling us we were going to be married someday. I really did think I was going to marry him. We planned our lives through the game of MASH.. you know the one, right? It decides for you whether you're going to live in a mansion, apartment, shack or house..haha. We decided we were going to have 4 kids, drive Jeeps and live in Maine. I was going to be a doctor and he was going to be a policeman. Sounds like a pretty sweet set-up to me.

How romantic.

Maybe that's why I started kissing him when I was really young. I'm not sure how old I was when I kissed him for the first time, maybe 7 or 8, but it continued for years. We didn't live in the same state by that point so it was only on the occasions we would see each other, and I promise it was very innocent. We would pretend we were movie stars and kiss with big theatrics. It's hilarious when I really think about it. We did get in trouble for locking ourselves in a room alone together once. My little brother wanted to come in and we wouldn't let him, so he told our moms, who assumed we were doing something shameful. I'm pretty sure we were just lying on the bed talking about our future in Maine with our awesome Jeeps.

I got butterflies when I saw Devin, even up until the last time I saw him, which was in 2004 I believe. He's super cute and was always so good to me. Every time I saw him he had a cute little present for me, like kissing bears, a bracelet or blocks that spelled "I Luv U". He constantly told me I was beautiful and the only girl for him. Too bad he was raised in Las Vegas and turned into a hot mess. Drugs and hot guys don't mix.

I have kissed lots of boys in my day..some I dated, some I knew 5 minutes. The first time I felt a literal spark when I kissed someone? My Danny boy. Once I loved him I knew he was really my first love and the first kiss that really meant something. So I promptly broke up with him. Like 5 times. Aw, love.

Blog Challenge: Days 8 & 9

I missed my first day of blogging last night! I worked all day and went straight from work to do dinner and games with some girls from my old salon and our men. It was so much fun but I didn't get home until 1:00 am so I went straight to bed! I will tackle both topics today though!

Day 08: A Time I Felt the Most Satisfied with My Life

I wish I had written this yesterday. Yesterday, I would without a doubt say right now. I'm the most at peace with myself that I've ever been. I'm the happiest I've been in my realtionship. I love what I do and where I work. I have great friends. I have close relationships with almost everyone in my immediate family. I'm really loving being pregnant. I'm so excited to meet my baby girl. I own my own home and love making it mine. I feel overall comfortable. Things are just really good.

Today though, I'm in some unfamiliar territory. My steady, peaceful foundation is feeling a bit rocked. I so hope it stays as great from now on as it felt yesterday. :)

Day 09: How I Hope My Future Will Be Like

I swear I talked about this already on Day 2 when I listed where I'd like to be in 10 years.

I just hope my future is happy and healthy. I want to be years and years down the road being proud of where I am. I don't want to look back in regret, wishing I had done more or less of anything. I hope I will still have a fun and loving marriage. I hope I have close, open relationships with my kids. I hope my kids are normal, happy and successful. I hope I have a home filled with love and laughter, not fighting or unhappiness. I hope I'm healthy and haven't gained 100 pounds. :) I hope my husband is healthy (and hasn't gained 100 pounds).

How's that?

Blog Challenge: Day Seven

My Zodiac Sign and If I Think it Fits My Personality

Well who knows anymore? Some crazy person decided that the signs were changing this year. I think it's pretty funny. You would think Nostradamus was back and predicting total annihilaltion the way people freaked out. I like what Bill Maher had to say about it:

"If you're panicked because your zodiac sign just changed to "Ophiuchus", and
now you don't know what your traits are...let me help: you're a gullible
dumb-ass."

I was born a Gemini. If the changes were true, I would now be a Taurus. Lame. I'm still a Gemini. I suppose the description sounds like me, but I'm pretty sure I could relate any other sign's traits to myself as well. Here's what it says about me (if you actually read this next part..you really are a champion):
Gemini is the third sign of the zodiac, and those born under this sign will be quick to tell you all about it. That's because they love to talk! The driving force behind a Gemini's conversation is their mind. The Gemini-born are intellectually inclined, forever probing people and places in search of information. The more information a Gemini collects, the better. Sharing that information later on with those they love is also a lot of fun, for Geminis are supremely interested in developing their relationships. Dalliances with these folks are always enjoyable, since Geminis are bright, quick-witted and the proverbial life of the party. Even though their intellectual minds can rationalize forever and a day, Geminis also have a surplus of imagination waiting to be tapped. Can a Gemini be boring? Never!

Since Geminis are a mix of the yin and the yang, they are represented perfectly by the Twins. The Gemini-born can easily see both sides of an issue, a wonderfully practical quality. Less practical is the fact that you're not sure which Twin will show up half the time. Geminis may not know who's showing up either, which can prompt others to consider them fickle and restless.

They can be wishy-washy, too, changing their mood on a simple whim. It's this characteristic which readily suggests the Mutable Quality assigned to this sign. Mutable folks are flexible and go with the flow. Further, the Twins are adaptable and dexterous and can tackle many things at once. It's a good thing, too, when you consider their myriad interests. The downside of such a curious mind, however, can be a lack of follow-through. How much can any one person do, anyway?

They are quick-thinking, quick-witted and fast on their feet. Geminis are both curious and clever. Although they talk a great game, they also love to listen and learn. Any social setting is a good one for a Gemini, however, since these folks are charming, congenial and love to share themselves with their friends. At work, they are the clearest of thinkers, looking at a project from all (well, at least two) sides and putting forth some logical and well-thought-out ideas. This quality makes Geminis an asset to any team. It's also the Gemini's literary bent that allows them to offer a useful perspective on most any situation. The Twins also enjoy bringing their objective reasoning and big-picture ability into their personal relationships. While some may perceive all this logical thought as cold and unemotional, it's simply how these folks tick. They want to connect, they just do it their own way. Luckily for Geminis (and their pals), their lightness of spirit and youthful exuberance help them to appear forever young. In keeping with that skip in their step, Geminis enjoy short road trips -- and their agile minds and nimble hands ensure that they could change a tire (if needed) in no time flat.

They love the camaraderie of games and play, which is why they excel at team events. Whether it's volleyball or a game of charades, Geminis are always ready to play. A book club would certainly stimulate their literary minds. In the game of love, Geminis are playful, flirtatious and endless fun. Physically speaking, Gemini rules the nervous system, which is why Twins should practice yoga or deep breathing techniques. The great strength of the Gemini-born is in their ability to communicate effectively and to think clearly. Adventures of the mind are what the Twins are all about. They also love to share themselves with their friends, and they make for charming companions.

Blog Challenge: Day Six

Ok so last nights post wasn't a hit. :)

Let's turn this beat around!

30 Interesting Facts About Myself

1. I'm pregnant! :)
2. I have a shoe obsession. I covet cute high heels and never wear them.
3. I cried for days when my 5th brother was born because I just wanted a sister.
4. I have a horrible memory, but I'm just beginning to realize it.
5. I'm terrified of heights. Hardcore.
6. I LOOOVE spicy food.
7. I grew up wanting 4 kids, married a man with kids and decided I wanted zero, then settled on 2 being the perfect number for me.
8. I've never been able to do a cartwheel.
9. I want to give my cats away... but I'm not heartless enough to do it.
10. I hate winter. I think snow is great at Christmas but I would love to live in 85 degree weather all year long.
11. I hate bugs and spiders and won't even get close enough to them to kill them.
12. My parents didn't come to my wedding.
13. If I had extra money to spend, it would definitely be used for traveling. Too bad there is never extra.
14. My favorite color is red.
15. I grew up convinced I was going to be a pediatrician.
16. I have no idea what changed my mind and made me think to go to beauty school.
17. A lot of people were upset when I went to beauty school and told me I was too smart for it.
18. I will only let people take my picture on my good side..thats the right.
19. I fell madly in love with running before I got pregnant, then was told to stop doing it by my doctor.
20. I want to run a half marathon by 2012.
21. French fries are my life's weakness.
22. I love Diet Coke, but only from a fountain.
23. My husband is lucky to be married to me.
24. I think I'm hilarious, and I'm pretty sure the huz is the only one who fully appreciates my humor.
25. I'm terrified of being fat for the rest of my life.
26. I've watched Dirty Dancing probably 50 times.
27. I'm allergic to shellfish but crave it all the time. (The allergy was acquired when I was 15.)
28. I have a 6th generation middle name and I don't want to keep it going... but D wants me to.
29. I won't touch feet besides my own. I'm the only person at my salon who refuses to do pedicures.
30. I'm going to try childbirth all natural! Woo hoo!

Ok those might be lame but I just thought of the first things that came to mind. Have a lovely day!

Blog Challenge: Day Five

I'm beginning to wonder why I picked this blog challenge. These topics are pretty heavy for a sarcasm filled blog like mine. However, I'm up for a challenge. I'm not ashamed of the way I feel so there's no reason not to write about it. After today though, it's all love! If there is anyone reading this though, please comment! I like to know who's actually reading my thoughts and feelings! Don't be scared!

This next post is by far my life's most personal story. I am not ashamed of this particular time in my life. Some of you know this story, some know parts of it and others know nothing. There is not one person alive that knows the entire story so there is lots more to be said about it, but by the end you will know more than enough. I don't share it to get pity, because that's the one thing I don't want. I share it so that people realize there are real problems that real kids go through at lots of different ages. I think more people need to talk about it.

Day Five Challenge: A Time I Thought About Ending My Own Life

I was 11 the first time I tried to kill myself. I had gotten to a point in my life that I wanted to be done. I thought I couldn't possibly take it anymore and my only option was to die. Obviously, I wasn't successful at my attempt.

I was in sixth grade. I had somehow convinced myself that I had become friends with the popular group of girls at school. I sat with them at lunch, I played with them at recess and I even had sleepovers with them on the weekends. I suppose some might call that friendship. I thought so. One day, however, they all stopped talking to me. Just like that. I had no idea what I had done, I just felt panicked and afraid. A few days later a boy in my class came up to me and told me he had heard I was a lesbian. I had no idea what he was talking about and he just explained that that's what everyone was saying. Sure enough, it was. The entire grade (and I'm sure others) were talking about it. My so-called friends had been the ones to start the rumors. I suddenly had zero friends. I would walk alone, eat alone, sit alone at recess. People would point and laugh at me. I was called horrible names. The people I thought were my friends laughed about it and pushed the rumors further. I honestly had no idea why it was so bad to be called a lesbian, I just knew that no one wanted to come close to me or be my friend.

On it's own, I might had gotten over this. I like to think I would have been able to handle making new friends and moving on. What destroyed me is what was going on away from school.

For a number of years, including the time I was going through this at school, I was being regularly physically and sexually abused by someone my family knew well. No one knew about it. It was just me and my abuser in a sick little game. I was threatened with the immediate death of both me and my parents if I told anyone. I believed it entirely. I lived my life in terror. I was afraid to be alone, afraid to sleep, even afraid to shower. It consumed me.

I saw myself as worthless. I hated myself, no one else could possibly love me. I didn't know how to lift myself up. I needed something that I couldn't grab hold of. I felt a shadow over me all the time. I sobbed every night as I tried to force myself to sleep.

At 11 years old, I felt I had no where to go. I was alone in my darkest place. Instead of telling my parents and watching them face certain death, I knew my life would be the one less missed. One day, I swallowed a bottle of pills. I uncontrollably threw it up shortly after.

I'm not really sure how I did make it through. A large part of me surviving gets credited to the girls that became my friends later in the year. They took me in and loved me, no matter what the other kids said. I'm still friends with those girls and I can't even express how grateful I am for them.

I know that what I went through at that part of my life shapes who I am today, but it certainly doesn't define me. I feel lucky all the time that I ended up a happy, healthy person. My life could have gone in a very different direction. I do carry it with me, but now I walk over it instead of letting it hang above me.

Blog Challenge: Day Four

I'm glad I got some of my readers back! Check out the comments of my last post because there are some different views on the maryjane issue and my final thoughts too. :)

This next post is probably the hardest to put words to. I probably shouldn't write about it because I don't want to offend or upset anyone. But, since I told you all I support pot, what more harm can I do..haha. Again, these are my experiences only, but ask Daniel his anytime you want. :)

My Views on Religion

The most simple way for me to put this: I don't know.

Having been raised in a strict LDS household, I grew up believing I knew the truth because I was told it was true. That was that. It just was. My dad is super outspoken about his unwavering faith in the church. His dad, my Grandpa, has held pretty much every calling, from stake president to patriarch to temple sealer. The only time I ever see my dad cry is when he talks about his testimony. My mom is a convert and is equally firm in her beliefs, but less in your face about it.

We didn't have a house that had nightly scripture reading or Family Home Evening though. We knew what our parents believed, we all went to church every week and we knew what we were supposed to believe as well. It was all pretty straightforward. I loved going to Young Womens because I had fun.

I specifically remember when my first issues with church came up. I was 15 and upset because my oldest brother was allowed to go on a mission. He never should have and I knew it, and I hated that they let him go anyways. (I will interject that for both my older brothers, I now believe missions were the best things that happened to them at that point in their lives. They both ended up much better people because of it.) That's the first time I started taking advantage of not being "forced" to go to church.

I did continue going for the most part and even after I moved out, thanks to my wonderful roomate aka Becca, I even tried a singles ward. That might have been a mistake. It was a meat market and I hated the way the people there made me feel. I wasn't pretty enough for the men to look at or talk to and I was young and a threat to the women so they would just give me dirty looks. Church wasn't supposed to feel that way. That's when I stopped going altogether.

Now, even though I didn't go to church, I still believed in it. I fully planned on getting married in the temple. That was the only option in my brain.

Then it happened. I read a book. That book made me read another book and then the more I read the more questions I had. I've never been good at the term "that's just the way it is". I always want to know WHY that's the way it is. I want answers. From questions came issues. From issues came a new way of seeing things. And from that came the end.

I respect religion. I have said many times that if I were to go to any church, it would be back to the Mormon church. I appreciate the values it teaches. I respect where I come from and what my family believes. I won't say anything bad about the LDS church because there is no reason to. I have no problem with it. I think religion in one of the healthiest things a person can believe in. It gives comfort and peace to people.

All I know for sure, is that I don't know. I don't talk about religion only because I can't tell people what I don't know. I do know that for me, it doesn't play a role in my life right now. I am open to the thought that one day I might drastically change my mind. I just don't see my mind changing at this point. I am by no means a radical in any direction.

So there you have it. My vague views on religion.

Tomorrow's post might be the most depressing, but after that, we should be all positivity for the next topics. Love you all! :)

Blog Challenge: Day Three

(Hi Erica! Thanks for being my one remaining reader! :) This one's for you haha.)

Today is about: My Views on Drugs and Alcohol

*Disclaimer: These opinions are mine alone..for Daniel's, you will have to ask him.

I grew up in a house that was strongly against all drugs and alcohol. It wasn't just because I grew up in an LDS household, but also because my parents had personal backgrounds with both substances. My dad was a recreational drug/alcohol user in his high school days (that's what those stake presidents sons get themselves into). He started dating my mom shortly after high school and she told him she would not marry him or continue dating him unless he cut out everything and became the man to take her to the temple. He did, and obviously, they did.

My mom's experiences are much different. She grew up with an abusive, alcoholic father and from the effects of that, she never got involved with it in her own life. She is the most anti drug/alcohol person I've ever met.

The reason I give those backgrounds is so that you understand how I was raised to view these things. I think the only downfall to being raised in a house that was so passionately against it was that it made me more curious about it. You would think that it would make me never want to touch the stuff, but I think it had the opposite effect. In high school I lived kind of a double life. With my closest girlfriends, I went to young women activities and stayed clean. With a few other friends who didn't cross groups, I experimented with drinking and mild drugs. It wasn't much because I had a constant feeling of guilt associated with what I was doing. I think the main reason I even did it at the time is because I was running from other parts of my life and trying to cover up the problems.

After high school I stopped any drugs altogether, but drinking became something I played around with more. I went to parties and Vegas with friends far too many times.

The thing is, I come from alcoholic blood. It takes A LOT of alcohol to get me drunk. I have never understood why people drink just to get drunk. First of all, most alcohol tastes disgusting. Why force yourself to drink crap just to get sloppy and not know whats going on around you? That's not to say I didn't do exactly that, but everytime I thought it was ridiculous myself. It didn't really take me long to realize I was over it.

So now, I don't drink. I see no need for it in my own life. I don't judge those that do (obviously I can't), but I just don't need it. I will admit to the rare occasion of having a margarita with good Mexican food, or a glass of wine at a dinner party, but beyond that I'm just not interested.

I will say this about drugs. I am 100% against drug use, with the exception of marijuana. Just to clarify, I DONT SMOKE POT. But, I see less problems with that than addictive and harmful cigarettes. I believe one day marijuana will be legal and I think it should be so it can be taxed and regulated.

So that's that. my long ramble about my own experiences with drugs and alcohol. We are still friends, right? :)

Blog Challenge: Day Two

Two days in a row. Booyah!

Today's topic is: Where I'd like to be in 10 Years

This is a tough one for me. For anyone that knows me, you know I'm not much of a planner. Sure, there are certain things I plan out in advance: vacations, meals for the week, monthly budgeting. That's about it. There are a few things I hope to be true in 10 years though.

1. I would like to have 2 happy and healthy kids
2. I would like to be working a little less and at home a little more
3. I would like to be living comfortably enough that my family and I can travel and enjoy various vacations together (although this might be hard if #2 is to be true)
4. I would like for both myself and Daniel to be healthy and in shape, living as active a lifestyle as we can
5. I would like to have a normal, healthy relationship with my parents and my family as a whole

That's about all I can think of, honestly. I know there are bigger goals I should have for my life over the next ten years but I like to keep it simple. :)

What about you? Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Blog Challenge!

Hello Strangers..aka.. the 2 people that might read this blog.



I'm going to blog this month! I know, you'll believe it when you see it. Well guess what? Along with everyone else I am going to do a 30 day blog challenge. Because I'm not much for following rules or traditional format, I'm just going to start it right now in the middle (almost end) of the month!



Here's the deal. I write about a different topic everyday. Easy enough.



Here's my topic list in case you wanna get all sorts of excited for the days to come.


Aren't you just dying to know my feelings on some of those topics? Cause I am. (Although I will be changing a couple of them (Tumblrs? Huh?) Here we go!

Day One: My Current Relationship

I am married. 4 years now. To a champion. Someone told me today I totally scored in the husband department and I would have to agree. Daniel is my very best friend. My mom has asked me a few times what I see in him and I cant never adaquately explain why I feel so strongly about him. I just love being his wife. I have known quite a few friends and family who ended up in marriages that weren't great. I've heard everything from it not being an equal partnership, to not sleeping in the same bed or being able to hold a simple conversation when in the same room. I feel so sad for those people because that's not how life should be. I feel really strongly that marriage should be based on friendship first. Obviously, there HAS to be more than that, but if I didn't consider Daniel to be my friend, I think we would be screwed. One day my amazing good looks will fade and Daniel won't be such a hot ticket anymore and then what will we do? I truly enjoy my time with Daniel, even the days I want to punch him in the face (and sometimes I ask him if I can..and he lets me). I would never claim to have a perfect relationship. We argue, we disagree on a lot of things and there's always...something. But I also laugh every day, hold my husbands hand every chance I get and fall asleep every night next to a man who I happen to know would do anything for me. My current relationship is good.